Worst Timeline Sweatshirt, Funny Unicorn Graphic, Existential Humor Crewneck
S / Ash
$39.99
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A “We Are on the Worst Timeline” sweatshirt featuring a sad little pastel unicorn who looks like she has personally witnessed enough.
The design takes a sugary vintage unicorn illustration and pairs it with the deeply reassuring message:
“We Are on the Worst Timeline.”
It’s cute, bleak, ridiculous, and painfully appropriate for anyone whose coping mechanism is looking around at the general state of things and laughing because the alternative seems less fun.
The contrast is what makes it work: pink mane, tiny stars, single dramatic tear — paired with full existential defeat.
Perfect for:
• Dark and existential humor
• Unicorn lovers with questionable optimism
• Weird internet humor
• Millennials and Gen Z
• Ironic and sarcastic wardrobes
• Weirdcore and nostalgic aesthetics
• People who cope through memes
• Anyone increasingly suspicious that reality took a wrong turn somewhere
Product details
• Unisex crewneck sweatshirt
• Soft fleece interior
• Relaxed everyday fit
• Ribbed collar, cuffs, and waistband
• Pastel vintage-inspired unicorn graphic
• Direct-to-garment printed design
• Please check the size chart before ordering
• Size up for a looser or oversized fit
Care instructions
Machine wash cold and inside out with like colors. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not bleach or iron directly over the printed artwork.
30-day returns
We accept returns within 30 days of delivery. If something isn’t right with your order, please contact us through Etsy and we’ll help.
The Faithful Familiar is a woman-owned small business creating alternative apparel for witches, readers, animal lovers, oddballs, and beautifully strange people.
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The Gildan 18000 sweatshirt is a unisex heavy blend crewneck made from a 50/50 cotton-polyester fabric, combining softness with lasting durability. Its smooth surface supports crisp, vibrant prints and embroidery, while the ribbed-knit collar and reinforced cuffs help it keep its shape over time. A seamless body design reduces irritation and adds to overall comfort. Practical, sturdy, and print-friendly, the Gildan 18000 sweatshirt remains a top choice for custom apparel.
Disclaimers:- Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.
- Subtle orange hue shifts with lighting in the Orange color variant.
.: The Gildan 18000 sweatshirt is built for comfort and durability, made from a medium-heavy (8.0 oz/yd² (271 g/m²)) 50/50 cotton-polyester blend.
.: The classic fit along with the crew neckline deliver a comfy wearing experience with a clean-cut style. Meanwhile, the double-needle stitching at the shoulder, armhole, neck, waistband, and cuff seams add top-tier durability.
.: Say goodbye to itchiness thanks to the gray, pearlized tear-away label.
.: The Gildan 18000 sweatshirt uses ethically grown US cotton, supported by the US Cotton Trust Protocol, with OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie) certified dyes.
.: Fabric blends: Heather Sport colors - 60% polyester, 40% cotton
.: Embroidery decoration method available on either left chest, center chest, or large center chest, as well as right + left wrists
Worst Timeline Sweatshirt, Funny Unicorn Graphic, Existential Humor Crewneck
$39.99
Size Chart
Gildan 18000 Heavy Blend Crewneck Sweatshirt
Measurements in inches (laid flat)
| Size | Chest | Length |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 18 | 26 |
| S | 20 | 27 |
| M | 22 | 28 |
| L | 24 | 29 |
| XL | 26 | 30 |
| 2XL | 28 | 31 |
| 3XL | 30 | 32 |
| 4XL | 32 | 33 |
| 5XL | 34 | 34 |
How to measure
Chest
Measure across the front of the garment 1" below the armhole seams. Multiply by 2 for full chest circumference.
Length
Measure from the highest point of the shoulder seam straight down to the bottom hem.